Making history!
What's up everybody! That photo above is from 2010 when I completed the 72oz steak challenge in Amarillo, Texas. It was an incredibly bad idea to begin with, but I finally got it all the way down and it went a little something like this...
On the morning of May 31, 2010 I awoke with my friends Roger, Patrick and his girlfriend Val from a hotel room in Dallas, Texas. We were all there for a video game tournament that had just finished the day before. We ended up getting our asses royally handed to us in the tournament but that's another story. As we were leaving the hotel I stocked up to the max on their continental breakfast which included me inhaling a couple small bowls of cereal, oatmeal, 2 waffles, and a banana. Since I was still in the hotel and not in the ridiculously damn-near-uninhabitable heat of the Texas sun, I still maintained my appetite and borrowed some fruit for the ride back to Colorado.
Once on the road after checking out of our hotel we made our way back home. With the talk in the car being filled with how hot Texas was, we all decided to stop and grab some food at The Big Texan Steak Ranch. I had originally heard of this place from one of my favorite TV shows and have since swore that if I ever got the opportunity I would jump on it immediately. The thing about the Big Texan is that there are signs all over the place advertising their 72oz steak challenge throughout Texas. Almost like subliminal advertising.
At about dinner time we decided to stop in at the Big Texan Steak Ranch. They're known for their steak challenge and they let you know. The entire meal is showcased for all to see at the entrance, and the list of all previous winners hangs as a sort of "Abandon all Hope Ye Who Enter Here" Dante's Inferno banner. We marvel at the novelty of it all and sit down to eat. By this point I was completely psyched out about trying the challenge and just wanted some food to hold me over for the rest of the trip. Patrick and Roger convinced me to do the 72oz challenge and so it began...
Let me say something about food challenges, talk about pressure. Everyone looks at you with this dead man walking stare. They see you walking up to the table and think to themselves..."That crazy mother trucker."
Across from me is another man also doing the challenge. On paper he is bigger than me by about 50lbs. He has an adorable daughter and also a smoking fine trophy wife who have both been given direct orders to not bother him while the challenge is in progress. I order my steak medium rare for the sake of chewing and digesting purposes while the large man opposite me orders his well done.
Before the challenge starts the owner of the Big Texan asks me what I had for breakfast that morning. I reply I ate a waffle and decided to leave out the part where I ate everything else in sight also. He tells me that I might be able to make some room for the steak but chances aren't likely. I instantly began to realize that I made a horrible mistake. I was sitting in a crowded restaurant full of people who were all about to celebrate my indulgence of gluttony and I was getting cold feet. Minutes before I signed the paperwork (yes there is a slight amount of paperwork involved) my friend Patrick ordered the 1/4th portion of the 72oz steak challenge for his dinner meal. I told him that if he could eat that meal and not double over puking, he should let me know so I could gauge whether I could swallow all this food.
The meal consists of a fat ass steak, a baked potato, salad, shrimp, and a dinner roll. My strategy was go for the beef first. I didn't want to eat the potato and roll and have it expand throughout the challenge. I cut up the steak into a grid of pieces small enough to fit into my mouth and went to town. People were watching from all over the restaurant, and quite a few people stopped to take a picture with me. I felt like a rockstar for a little while with all those people admiring my bravery, but one truth had remained; I still had to eat that whole damn steak!
the wall
About two thirds of the way through the challenge I hit the wall. It was brutal. All of my adoring fans had begun to whisper "he's not gonna make it." I had no idea where I would find my second wind. The guy across from me had given up at the 30 minute mark and left the table. He blamed it on his wife and daughter not giving him the concentration he needed to finish the challenge. At this point I felt like a frowning buddha statue. All hope was lost until I heard a noise from the balcony seating. My friend Patrick had finished his meal and said he wasn't full! They also came down to tell me that if our other friend was there (who was a fellow heavyweight such as myself) he would have already finished his plate. That's where I found the will to keep chewing. In this moment of agonizing pain, I would not succumb to the idea that I "could have" finished the meal so I kept going.
The worst part about eating a four and a half pound steak is eating a four and a half pound steak. The taste of the steak I was eating, which I once found to be the best steak I ever had, became small foul reminders that I was just about to lose $72 (the price if you fail the challenge). Being a broke college kid at the time I could not afford to waste anything so I pretended like the steak tasted less like probable bowel explosions and more like an actually good idea.
With only 5 minutes left on the clock I still had to eat the rest of my steak, a baked potato and a dinner roll. I squeezed the dinner roll into a little ball, bit down on it, and swallowed. With one minute left I had a bite of steak and a whole baked potato and I seriously felt like I was going to vomit not only my meal, but my entire digestive tract as a whole along with it. So, I did what any reasonable human being would do. I shoved the steak in my mouth, did not chew and swallowed it. I took the baked potato in my hand and ate the whole thing in two soul wrenching bites. I swear I could feel my insides tearing as I looked over with 5 seconds left and asked if I was done. The clock stopped at 3 seconds.I felt like this badass.
I was so excited I jumped up somehow and for some reason the spirit of Bruce Lee moved me because I was doing all sorts of kicking and judo choppy motions. The owner of the restaurant told me to sit down before I saw the meal come back up. I spent a good 15 minutes getting my land legs back and paraded around the restaurant like hot stuff with a newly acquired t-shirt that proves nothing but an overwhelming and slightly sad fact that I could probably eat small children. That night I arrived home and drank a full glass of fiber.
Tastes Like AMERICA!!!
Moral of the story: Keep on pushing past the wall. You'll never know what "could have" happened until you try to break it down.
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